Monday, February 06, 2006

Fuck Fantasy Baseball

As foosball season is over, the talk is starting to shift to fantasy basball leagues. Baseball is a bit too real and concrete, though.

I've got a better idea. Fantasy Law School!

Pick your dean, pick your faculty, and watch as they administer, educate, publish, and drive your fantasy-classmates to play Soduku.

How do you evaluate the results, though? Brian Leiter will finally be heeded because the US News Ranking system can't easily apply. Maybe SSRN-based ranking. Kind of skews the league, though. Not much. Graglia is deadwood in any league.

Also, the faculty trades will be at least as interesting as the real ones chronicled on BL's blog.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

My post-exam bender has finally wound down

Sage words: Gin is not the ideal liquor with which to spike eggnog. However, I did learn that projectile vomited eggnog blends well with the paint in my apartment, and the fast-evaporating gin really reduces curing time.

As for resolutions, I resolve to apply the three b's to my classes next term. That's gotta work better than that LEEWD system.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Bush withdraws Miers nomination

NamesJudge Dick Pumper to the bench instead.

(Hey, at least he didn't nominate his horse.)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

How to blow your OCI interview

[Yes, I'm aware of the redundancy.]

"As I'm sure you know, our firm specializes in bankruptcy law. How do you feel about that kind of work?"

"It's a real downer. That's the sort of work that should be reserved for those bland assholes who really should have become CPA's instead of lawyers."

"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out."

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Jeff Sessions is an ass clown.

No wonder he dropped law for politics, because obviously a blithering idiot can make a killing in politics.

Monday, September 12, 2005

There's a new sheriff in TV judge town

Judge Alex kicks ass. Imagine if Judge Judy knew what the hell she was doing and could actually tell when she was getting a line of BS instead of just guessing randomly to try to make herself seem smart.

Monday, August 29, 2005

The "Socratic Method" - a brief primer for 1L's

Socrates was an Athenian philosopher, 470-399 BC, who kept a pack of young men around who he "educated." He committed suicide after the Athenian people found him guilt of corrupting the youth.

The "Socratic Method" exercised in law school has nothing to do with philosophy, but it is still in the grand tradition of Socrates. Have fun with your "education" - it's gonna smart.

[A late addition, or a late reminder of a much earlier comment: Brian "not not not not not not not my academy" Leiter has pulled up an archival comment asking why anybody believes the method works. A misperception, I think. The method was supposed to be a way to make law school a commodity business, with economies of scale where one adequate prof can teach a hundred or more students at a time.]

Why it's better to be on a lesser journal

More attractive gunners. Have you seen some of the people who made law review? If I'm going to have to hear a gunner prattling on, at least it's nice to have something to focus on when tuning out the sound.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Why does Judge Judy give me deja vu to Contracts?

Maybe because all the decisions are wrong, or the odd one that is right is not rationally arrived at.

If there was a TV appellate process, hers would be the most overruled lower court.

(I'll bet Judge Mathis aced Contracts, though.)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

If any UT 1L's are reading

. . . can you keep me posted as to where and when there is free pizza happening? I only went to HEB for beer and TP last fall because of free pizza around the law school. If they announced there would pizza, I would show up, even if it was a meeting of the law student chapter of NAMBLA. Pavlov would love me.

Friday, August 19, 2005

OCI sucks my . . .

Okay, so I have a concrete unbreakable deadline for submitting my requests for interview slots, but these rinky-dink slacker employers can decide afterwards that they want in, and then set an arbitrarily short deadline to request an interview, which I conveniently miss. Well, the AG's office is supposed to be just for the bottom 50% anyhow.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

More 1L advice

How do you make a smart, talented person believe that they are in fact deficient, flawed, useless, and unworthy? Send them to law school.

The main mechanism of this is the continuous waiting game, played out repeatedly. LSAT scores segue into admissions, and then there's waiting for first semester 1L grades which are equivalent to your destiny. Then you see if any of the employers whom you dutifully applied to on heavy bond paper which did not arrive in their office before December 1st actually think those grades are worthy (while having panic attacks all along that your envelope in fact arrived on December 2nd, automatically disqualifying you from consideration).

Spring OCI follows, and you get to interview with a couple employers that have already prerejected you, but their recruiters do like a nice break from the office. There are always other jobs listed at the career service office, but every single job which will consider a 1L for the summer will require classes that it was impossible for you to have taken 1L year.

Spring grades are another round of anxiety. More credit hours on the roster now, so either you've got the outside hope of having past sins forgiven, or all your luck will go down the drain and it certainly must have been luck fall term based on what you see in the end of June.

Summer multi-journal write-on is the Tour de France of Law school stress inducement. With an exam, you get evaluated within about 6 weeks. With the write-on, you work for two weeks and turn in your product in late May, and get accepted or rejected only after about three months' time.

Let's be honest about Law Review here - the folks who say that it isn't that big a deal are the people who already have grades in the top 10-15%. Traditionally Law Review at most schools was based purely on grades, though they aren't necessarily the best proxy for excellent work on a journal. Some schools have gone to a system where some slots are purely on grades with a few slots determined by a combination og grades and write-on. What UT does is look at the write-on for all, considering grade and the write-on for most, with a fixed number of slots reserved for the write-on only. This is absolutely pernicious. Why? Because it lets me get my hopes up so they can be dashed.

According to the esteemed Mr. Andvodka, Texas Law Review is calling accepted students Wednesday. I don't know if that means today or tonight. I haven't gotten the call so far, so I have entrusted all the steak knives to the care of my neighbor.

The really sadistic part is that you don't get your license until you have survived the worst delayed agony, the bar exam.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Yes! I'm on a journal!

The Texas Review of Televised Adjudication was very impressed with my write-on submission - they want to talk to me about maybe taking on an editorial position.

Oddly, we're not being asked to bring the BlueBook to our orientation, but the TV Guide. And like the BB, things will be in chaos this fall because of their pending reformatting. Why the hell did I spend so much time learning the current format of TVG while ignoring my LR&W prof? Still time better spent, I suppose.

Monday, August 08, 2005

What's supposed to be so great about life as a summer associate?

I'm not being taken out to lunch, dinner, or drinks. Yeah, I'm meeting clients, but they seem like a pretty shady bunch. The hours are long and the compensation sucks - they won't pay overtime, and they've made veiled threats to fire me if I complain.

Wal-Mart sucks. Maybe Target will need associates next summer.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

What to read before 1L year?

I'm seeing that the existing blawgs [blah - almost as bad as the term blog itself] are giving advice to 1L's. There's always the damn reading list question - what should I read before law school?

Anything having nothing to do with the law. Really. If you're properly fuh-reaked out your fall term, you will have the attention span of my nephew after a few sippy cups of apple juice for anything outside your courses, and likely for some of those, too. When activities and a full course load hit you in the spring, you generally only get your life back if you stop and say "Screw this, I miss TV," and decide what courses to leave entirely to the bought or downloaded outline.

Unpersuaded? Well, everyone says OneL by Turrow, but then again, most people say that freaks them the hell out. The one thing I can tell you is that OneL has more to do with the range of emotional response students have to law school than it does about the actual classes. A good example is the absentee student who figures class is completely useless for anything but agony and the odd bit of humiliation. [I'd agree that those of us who go most of the time are masochists if it were not for and espn - god bless wireless.] I swear, in May I saw five people I hadn't seen since December. Then again, maybe they decided to sit in on classes with decent profs instead.

If you want something that will prepare you for an old school "Socratic Method" professor, especially for contracts, this Kafka gem will do ya: In the Penal Colony